Aaah. What an eventful week. Too eventful. I realised that everyone else is having more interesting lives than I. Shuwei's got a job to complain about and the other one...haven't got the opportunity to check. After a heartbeat's reflection, I decided to leave my life as it is. I don't want to gain the job experience, at least, not yet.
Anyway, Adwin's integrated into the family, and now smiles whenever he sees me. And well, I humour him. He wriggles all the time on his cot, excited. I hear Shuwei's experiences in her hellish job involving 4 year olds and looked at my brother - no, he won't terrorise us. Not me at least.
Perhaps I should go online once in a while. But what would I do there? Communicate with air? I'd rather not. Oh well, my holidays are packed. Malaysia tomorrow, Bintan next week, and maybe Thailand the week after. No, not because friends arranged it, but my family suddenly received quite a few holiday packs as prizes. Maybe I'll check out the hotel casinos in Bintan, as I'm eighteen by then(I think they'll let me in without checking my passport, won't they?)
Oh well, I'll laze my holidays away if I didn't plan something for myself. But my table's dismantled to create space for the christmas tree. Where am I going to sit at now?
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Owww. Now I remember the horrible feeling of teething. I wish my wisdom teeth had grown with all the other molars so that I could get them over with, but no~, these teeth have to grow one by one. I don't care for these teeth and I don't mind not having them. Those who have experienced it before, and never thought the pain was anything, tell me how to get over it without taking painkillers. I couldn't believe that I am taking this pain into the examination room.
Fine, I know I am whining. OOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
Saturday, November 15, 2008
What is a friend? Who will you call your friend? Will you mourn for a lost friendship?
Fought with my sister over such silly and simple questions. And I don't care that I am an anti-social hermit who loves staying at home. I really dislike her. I mean, really. What happened to familial support? They are essentially unfit to be good sisters. To tell me to study with her during her O levels and her corresponding promise to study with me during my As - now her promise is totally invalid, because she realised that her exams end a week earlier. Insensitive git. You did that once when I was studying for my O levels. Now it is the A levels. With my third sister. You have currently seen 4 movies and ploughed through 2 chinese series. You've played many games and went shopping everyday. When I want to use MY computer to go to access learning content you snatch it back - "Jas, go study." I don't care about your need for play, but a promise is a promise.
And this is the reason why I hate being the eldest child. I admit - I have a childish way of thinking things through. I do not even look as mature as my other 2 sisters. I don't even command the authority of the eldest child in the house. It is always the second child. Always her. And who calls their elder brothers and sisters by their name anyway? Not a typical chinese family. I can understand why the "middle child syndrome" is not working for her - because she have always gotten her way. Now that the love was focused on Adwin, she got jealous. That boy is innocent! You flogged him until he cried! Inhumane little- no one hits a child only 2 months old. He doesn't even know enough to understand good from bad. And my mum didn't even blame her. They are too soft-hearted.
I have half a mind to tell her - she is just a DOG. A jolly, mindless follower who follows the spendthrift habits of her friends even if she disapproves of it. A love-hate hypocrite with an unstable relationship with her friends. Never contributes to discussions as her POVs aren't heard. Come on. If they abandoned you to talk to one another, it is high time you found your own friend. If you don't want to, then don't socialise at all - it is not worth your time. Not unless you are content to stare at them from afar and stay alone, it is your choice.
I know that my parents and I have this particular star that you don't. I know we are destined (and do have) less of a social life than what you had. And we are happy people. Calm people. We stand up for what we think and say them. If it is fruitless, we will just keep quiet. And we are concerned about your safety.
I hate you. Very much.
You think the family should bow down to you. You think that you have done no wrong hitting a 2 month old baby 5 times with a makeshift whip. You monster. You don't know that without us your status as a dog will diminish and your "friends" will disappear. You are NOT like my third sister. Jul needs no help in managing her life and friends. You, however, had no idea how deep you have sunk into that trench.
You will curry-favour them until the day you die. And no one gives a damn.
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
Friday, November 14, 2008
Now everyone thinks I'm moving on to poly.
Mother asks - "which poly course? ERM, to prepare you know..."
Father is comforting himself. "Jas, you cannot go Uni, never mind we will support you. Poly, overseas, whatever, try your best. If not, come manage the rental business."
I thank them for their support but at the same time wonder - what made them think that way? Maybe the aura of failure just hangs around me, I don't know.
General comment: A-levels = all subjects seem so...insecure to me. So, I really don't know where I stand. After hearing some really negative comments about the chem MCQ, I decided to relook the thing when I got back. Oh well, maybe I shouldn't. I could actually spot my own mistakes. Argh.
On my mother: One has to be real careful about her and Adwin now. Her temperament seems to depend on his mood swings. The best time to approach her now is when Adwin is smiling toothlessly at all the idiots smiling back, me included. I miss the lazy Mummy sometimes. Adwin's made all of us mircaulously hardworking. All for his smile.
And today has to be the most embarrassing day of my life. Of all the times I fell, this time is the most malu - I fell at the side of the bus, in front of all the horrified commuters at the back door like the opening of some horrible comedy film - and I was just walking past the bus stop, reserved and dignified when that happened. What a major hit to my pride. Of course, I wouldn't have minded if someone actually laughed it off, or even helped me (but it is kind of impossible in the split second that the bus back door opened). But no, they just stood there mouths agape like goldfishes. Those sitting on the benches didn't help either. So much for being helpful Singaporeans. I've got to understand why I keep falling and others don't.
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Hypocrite 1: My sister 2: My father
I don't trust what they say. And I hate the fact that they are liars.
It is really tiring. I don't know whether I'll be able to stay awake for chem and then face maths again the next day.
...
Why did I take the A-levels again?
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
about me
&ANGEL
TURNED
DEVIL..^*
Jasmine
Meridian JC.
LOVES&BLEAHS.
drawing, colouring, studying, animals, sleeping noise, people waking me up, NAPFA
FOOD*_*
chicken rice, mango, baked goods..
&&i currently hate:
...actually no one
wishes
[_] means unticked,
[o] means ticked,and
[X] means it's an impossible feat.
[_]To get a good A level grade
[_]To be able to finish a comic
[o]To be able to meet my best friends again together
[_]To lose weight
