Before any of you get the impression that I'm a coward, I'll have to say that this fear is natural and will go away after some time. The fear of going back to school. I'm not particularly happy about it, really. But who would, considering the fact that you have your free time constricted into a computer-generated timetable? Oh well, it is not that I spend my time really wisely anyway. I'm weaning myself off blogger. I don't think my life is really worth noting down mainly because 1)It's pretty mundane. 2)If I needed some medium to vent my anger out on, I'd rather it not be online where everyone could see it - at least, not yet. 3)With recent big family events noted down by my sisters, and the recent class outings documented by those who organised it, I can only see my entry as only another rendition of what is written. Some of what I write do not really depict what I feel anymore. But, well, I really don't care. Better to be unloved by others as to who I am than to be loved by those who don't see me past the girl I show.
Whatever - my sister said that I went overboard.
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
Sunday, December 16, 2007
...and suddenly I think that some people at my age really have no life. No, not insulting those who knows my blog, but insulting only her. She...would be a great friend if only she did not do this. Well, who knows what the future holds? The more I grow, the more I care about people's fragile feelings that I've lost my back bone. I swear I'll get it back and also be immune to negative comments. Teenage life isn't my life at all. I want to go back to when I was in Primary school being a real person with a good opinion on life and what I do.
I am going to jump right back into reality, you bet. I've not gone insane yet.
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Ah, the bliss of ignorance. The Singaporean society demands knowledge - we'll need it to survive. But I can't stand it. Sometimes it is so much more better to know things from one perspective only - the good one. My sister wants to make a new cookie monster blogskin. That kawaii thing - cute and true to most children's inner desires. Who will refuse cookies at that age?
So we're surfing through youtube and looking at Muppets. Well, you could imagine our shock when we clicked on the heavy metal music link after laughing at the cookie monster's Cookie Song. Well, we've stepped onto something real psychotic and dark. True, our first thoughts that flashed through our mind were "What is the connection? Why Cookie Monster and metal music? What does that symbolise? Why make an entire video?"
After the first few seconds, our jaws dropped as we decided to give up on the badly made video and tune the disgusting music down (sorry to all metal rock music fans - I dislike those for the fact that they were too noisy) to read the comments. Well, then we read the title of the video. It might be laughable, considering the fact that it is the COOKIE MONSTER of Sesame Street, but...they say that the Cookie Monster is the start of Death Metal Music or something like that. Then we connect that to Satan, because those who gave comments apparently liked the video and said something along the lines of Lucifer. So now what? We didn't watch the entire video, of course, just the first 10 seconds.
But our perception of the Cookie Monster is completely ruined - well, the good side, at least. Now my sister can't stand looking at the blue furry animal without getting the shivers that it is giving a psychotic vibe. Well, I began liking the Cookie Monster again though, because I simply forgot what I have just learnt. But that first few seconds after watching the video was truly frightening. After deciding that the cookie monster was truly a bad influence, the feeling sort of went away later, as I forgot the feeling of the video, though I could vividly remember the disgust I got from this new Point of View perfectly.
Well, I won't look at the Sesame Street Characters the same way again.
That aside, I was squealing at the gifts my family got me. At the same time, I was wondering what to get my friends who had gone through their seventeenth birthday this month. (On second thought, I realise that I had lost the entire sheet of paper with my classmates' birthdays on, so I could only remember 2 out of the entire array of males in my class who had their birthdays right smack in the middle of December.) On third thought, I knew that though they won't say anything, the things I get will never be what they want. The people I knew at my age are those who wants expensive things - those that I can't afford even in the future after I went out to work (this is already pre-destined, I'll have just the amount I need throughout my life, never more, never less.). Maybe I don't know them enough to give them things they actually consider as gifts. But my gifts are always handmade - usually. (One, it is the cheapest. Two, I'm thinking of the person when I made it.) Should I give? Should I not? ...Maybe I'll be insincere and get something standardised, or not give at all. Well, how heartless of me. So, after the fourth thought, I decided to make something presentable and fish out whatever I deem is suitable for them...so sorry - it is the best I can do when I don't know you past your names and grades.
Well, my family have gotten me what I've always wanted. My mother asked me to guess what she got for me. My answers are a little embarrassing though - some I said just in jest to make my family laugh ( "Jasmine, are you sure? You've always wanted a boyfriend?"). LOL, that sparked giggles all around. It's a simple silver chain, though. I've always wanted it, so I could thread my favourite charm through it and bring it everywhere with me. Well, imagine my happiness!
I've never known they actually knew what I wanted and went out of their way to get it. I couldn't even guess it out in the first place. It is the happiest day of my life - I love being with my family. Well, you can say that I won't trade them for anything else in the world and vice versa. They sang the birthday song to me when I got home and prepared a cake.
I am going to change my life. I will change my goals. This coming year will be stressful, but I'll pull through. For me, my family and those who care for me, I will enjoy JC 2.
Anyway, my father confronted my Aunt. She's in a fit at the end of the "discussion." Well, it is embarrassing to stand in her shoes, nya? But I don't deny that she deserved it and I really can't help but smile when I think of a peaceful life with my relatives.
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
Sunday, December 9, 2007
How typical of you, to use food as gifts. I won't forget how we ran up and down Takashimaya finding that "Indian Lady" in need the help of three people. I won't forget the lesson learnt in dealing with the elderly. Hey, if I am going to be separated from you too, I'd get grumpier than that. They place no faith in us, do they? I wonder if we'd have done better with a troupe of chatty Aunties instead. I smiled until it hurt. Surely, there is a way to persuade people without using the power of smiles? And fake ones at that. I asked you, "Are your smiles real?" You replied with a shake of your head.
"At least to strangers."
At least to strangers. How true. No wonder JC life gets longer and longer and longer. Ms Elaine, Mdm Khoo, you told us on the MRT that it is less than one year left. But I know that this is my nature - complain about one, complain about another. Who is to say that I won't complain about Uni? Some things are just too coincidental. I'm glad, I guess that we met both of you instead of, say, my current schoolmates. Because then, we'd have something to talk about, and Shuwei won't go ahead and clam herself up. Not to say that my JC friends are really bad at making friends - they had an entire circle. But I cannot muster up the interest needed to know someone.
I wonder if it's my hunger that is causing my head to swim.
» Mugging through the night =( *jasmine
about me
&ANGEL
TURNED
DEVIL..^*
Jasmine
Meridian JC.
LOVES&BLEAHS.
drawing, colouring, studying, animals, sleeping noise, people waking me up, NAPFA
FOOD*_*
chicken rice, mango, baked goods..
&&i currently hate:
...actually no one
wishes
[_] means unticked,
[o] means ticked,and
[X] means it's an impossible feat.
[_]To get a good A level grade
[_]To be able to finish a comic
[o]To be able to meet my best friends again together
[_]To lose weight
